Not for sale..

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." - Jane Austen
But what she forgot to mention and what stands more true in the Indian context is - "It is a truth universally acknowledged that parents with a young daughter must be in want of an amiable groom."
And this summarizes the soup I am in. After a fight which HAS BEEN ON FOR MONTHS AND MONTHS, yesterday i told amma - "go ahead. search for a guy. give my name in the matrimonials and the websites. on the condition that you do not give a description about me." There then ensued a pause, which ended when i heard the click which meant she had banged the phone down. Not really. in the modern day mobile phones, you cant really bang the phone down, can you? Which by the way is really sad. I'm sure Psychologists world over will have a few thoughts about banging phones and doors as therapeutic techniques.

Coming back to my mom.. I couldn't help but think of her dilemma. Akin to Shylock, in Merchant of Venice, who had the liberty to exact a pound of flesh on the sole condition that he does not shed a drop of blood. I wish i could have shared this thought with her. The literature graduate in her would have enjoyed this parallel i'm sure. but as it happens, we are not on talking terms now..

There is nothing novel in this story. i can see almost all girls who are my age remembering their last fights. (mind you.. i said ALMOST ALL. coz i do know a few lucky exceptions). it is highly surprising to me that my educated and modern family can never empathize with my desire to stay unmarried for a few more years to come. Even my bro who had a love marriage (and please note, Bhabhi was TWENTY SIX when they married) cannot empathize with me. So, when my parents register my name in some murky matrimonial and label me, they may say - "24 years old, almost five feet, weatish-bordering-on-fair, brown shit-coloured eyes, working in a mnc". and in those few words i will find the past twenty four years of my life - simplified. it will be crystal clear. and some guy somewhere or even more probable.. some guy's family somewhere will read this, and judge the suitability for their son based on whether horoscopes and the height and the looks gel. and if it does, wo!! i would have found the guy i am destined to live with for the rest of my whole long tortured life. do i want to get married some day? yes. do i want relationship in the future? yes. is this the way i want things to happen? a resounding no.

And why I ask myself why this hatred for the whole ritual? For one.. I hate being a commodity. Labeled and categorized and slotted. And for another, it is the thought of forced companionship that hurts. Having spent a lifetime with our CHOSEN friends - from college, school and now office. it is tough to put efforts into a new relationship. in fact i don't think i have much of me left inside of me for that. it is all there in a million pieces inside all my friends.

The constant fights are tiring though. So next time round, I'll put an end to the ongoing war. I'll ask amma to go ahead and put in the description after all. i'll even go ahead and write it for her. "twenty four year old wishing to see a lot of the world, read a trillion books and be truly completely happy, in an abnormally normal way, seeks alliance from like-minded individuals". if i have to be a commodity, i may as well be a branded one right..